home sweet home...

i'm back. just typing that. those two words... boy did i miss the pitter patter of my fingers hitting the keys. slowly and then when i have a burst of inspriation, it's like rapid fire...

i'm officially back to the real world. no more living in my alter-reality called camp. it was such a wonderful experience, and yet. living in that alter reality made me make some mistakes. some big ones. thankfully grace exists. i learned so much about my strengths and weaknesses and where i stand.

i am so utterly content with being home. i love all the smells of this place. shea and cocoa butter. garlic and spinach sauteeing. cardboard boxes being emptied. beer and cigarettes followed by the scent of juicy. burberry purfume. old books - that dusty smell that seeps from the pages when you flip through them. for an instance, it smells musty, but then a great sense of appreciation of time bestows upon me. it's the long showers and steamy mirrors. the smell of a great rain storm rolling in. all of these things are my reality - a reality that i missed.

i moved. i started a new chapter. i want to live my life the way i want to. fearless. open and honest. without reservations. less planning and more living. i learned an insurmountable amount about myself and how i lacked in these areas. i can't wait to prove who i am and what i'm capable to so many people over the next year of my life.

there are less boxes. and less clutter. and it feels like home. i love cooking here. and being cooked for here. i love the space, the smells, the taste, the love that exists every moment that i'm in this kitchen...

this little room is like home in itself. i can feel how Christmas will be here - it will be so beautiful. watching the snow swirl outside, laying on the couch under the best blanket in the world, watching some basketball. just as it should be...

this picture doesn't even do justice. i kept putting it up and taking it down. this doesn't even reselmble the beauty and joy that exists when you walk in the door of this house. there will be bbqs, holiday parties, and sleep-overs frequently. it just soaks you up like a sponage, and holds you there and lets time slow down. love to have a safe place to exist, and co-exist. no dollar amount is worth having this type of home.

i love being home. home in every aspect. home - even though home means problems. facing my reality. standing up to my own mistakes. this is home. no more camp life. i am back, and and feel ready to be here. i'm unprepared to be that brave again, but i know it's time.