Real and Raw

Life isn't always perfect - it's full of sadness and misfortunes, and sometimes, I feel like if I just keep thinking optimistically and writing optimistically, it will be as if life is perfect. It is just full of happy memories, joyfulness, and smiles. We wake up everyday having our love-cup full, and we just let other people over-fill it.

Yet, life is sad sometimes. It's real and raw, and hurts, burns, and stings. Some nights we go to bed crying, thinking it will all be better when we wake up the next day, but it isn't. Sometimes we fail to understand, to comprehend, to see through the pain, because the pain is so overwhelming we just can't write optimistically anymore.

I just can't write optimistically today.

It makes me feel like a failure, which I feel that way a lot. I always feel that I am failing - which is why I put 110% into everything I do. I think of all the little-things that make up everyone's day, and try to make those spectacular. I try to make the tiniest parts and events of life so monumental, that when the world crashes down, it won't hurt as bad. So that, no one that I love, every has to have a day, like today.

I'm not full of joy and smiles, I'm holding back tears with every breath I take, and it burns, hurts, and stings. My chest feels heavy, as if my heart is tired and achy. Almost as if it hurts to hold my head up.

And... I'm not a crier. I'm not a pessimist. I have always been able to see the "good" side of a bad situation. I make the sweetest lemonade out of the most sour lemons.

But - I keep trying to speak with optimism, to inspire my loved ones around me, that life is as full of joy as we dream it to be, and if I just focus on the little-things of life, I'll never have to feel the pain.

What happens when the pain and sadness of life has infiltrated our precious small and little things? There is no more figurative language to read through, to decipher, it's plain in black and white. Life often gives us ultimatums, where we have to chose one road or the other.

I have always picked the road less traveled. I've dreamed of a big life, full of small things, where they all add up to equal happiness. 24/7/365. Sometimes, the beautiful life we dream up, begins to unfold, and it isn't quite what we dreamed.

The world, it's pressures, the lack of time (or so we feel), change everything. It just changes everything. I suppose that's why we call it a dream though, because it's just that, sometime to exist in our subconscious world, where everything is perfect.

Maybe, today, is just a bad day. Maybe, today, I just woke up to my reality. Or, maybe, today, I just can't write optimistically.

When tomorrow comes, I'll be thankful for a new day, a new opportunity to write optimistically.